The Schoolmarm

    I admit now that perhaps I was wrong in calling the schoolmarm a dried up old hag. But it’s not as though I called her a ‘bitch.’ It’s not like I killed anyone. The last I checked, the schoolmarm was in stable condition, and there’s no way to prove that my calling her a dried up old hag led to the outburst that caused the heart attack.
    So, sorry, but I was almost sure she wasn’t within earshot, because she is really old and old people aren’t that good at hearing. Really, too, I was only using that term, “dried up old hag,” to liven up my story, the one that ends with me exclaiming, “So I said, sucks to you, ya’ old bitch!”
    That one always got a lot of laughs from the guys. And even though none of the guys were around, I had to practice telling the story some time so, when the guys did arrive, I could tell my “the schoolmarm is an old bitch” story with perfect rhythm and inflection--for optimal laughs.
    That term might have been harsh.
    Then again, the schoolmarm’s skin really is quite dry, so the dried up part at least is accurate.
    As, obviously, is the “old” part. A hag is traditionally thought of as a mean old woman, so that part is true too--as evidenced by her yelling at me for calling her a dried up old hag.
    No, I can’t rightly be blamed for this one. No one can, I reckon. Except for that schoolmarm, the dried up old hag.