The Legend of the Really Big Duck

Ask any local about the legend of the really big duck, and they’ll likely give you a detailed personal account, each varying wildly from the last. Some say the really big duck isn’t actually all that big, but makes a habit of standing near the smaller ducks, so as to perpetuate his legend. Others say, indeed, that the really big duck is as real as the creek he’s said to live in, and the dentures he is said to have stolen from Rue Johnson, the town’s oldest resident.
    What the really big duck has done with those dentures is a question always on the tip of the townspeople’s tongues, and the Really Big Duck Awareness Council frequently finds themselves in the midst of a heated debate over the matter. “A duck! With dentures!” Peter Feldman, Council president was overheard yelling at last week’s meeting. Feldman then composed himself, and sat down at the table. “I think we need to consider the option that this duck is not only really big, but also a renegade.”
    Feldman is of a small minority that believes the really big duck to be a menace and a criminal. Most townspeople, meanwhile, believe that he is a sort of benign prankster, with some going so far as to call him “The really big prankster duck” or “Pranky, the really big duck.”
    The size of the duck is the source of another debate, even among the most staunch believers. Some say he is around the size of a goose, while others say he is more resemblant of a turkey, only without the red droopy thingy on his beak and more duckish. The mystery stems from the absence of any physical evidence of the really big duck; a grainy picture, purportedly of the really big duck, was found and quickly discredited in 1989 when it was discovered that the photo actually showed several smaller ducks taped together. Feldman believes the really big duck was behind this ruse, as well. “Oh totally,” he said. “Sly bastard that really big duck.”
    Oliver Daniels, an out of work carphone salesman, is the latest resident said to have had a run-in with the really big duck, and his account differs greatly from that of the Really Big Duck Awareness Council. Indeed, Daniels says the really big duck is the consummate gentleman.
    “I was walking along the creek, when I saw a really big duck, and it clicked: That’s the really big duck! Luckily, I had a slice of bread in my pocket. I gave it to him and he quacked, and then politely paddled off to join the other, more reasonably-sized ducks. He even shared the bread with the others! Class act all the way.”
    The RBDAC refutes Daniels’ account, with Feldman saying that, “had [Daniels] truly encountered the really big duck, his bloated corpse would be face down in the creek, his pockets emptied, his eyes pecked out and riddled with denture marks.”
    The theories abound, and the arguments rage on over the legend of the really big duck; Really big or really, really big? Mean or nice? Cold-blooded denture thief and potential murderer or funny prankster? These debates are old as time itself, and they won’t likely be settled anytime soon; but at least one thing is universally agreed upon: this is no medium-sized duck.