Knocky Knock Knock Knock

Like most people, I used to adhere to the old truism “don’t knock it ‘til you try it” with all the zeal of a dog clothes manufacturer in the week leading up to the big dog parade, or Stalin. But whenever someone says that, it usually means that whatever you may be knocking deserves to be knocked, or at least prodded at a little. I’m pretty sure I can knock eating a railroad tie, for example. Have I tried it?
    Sure. But I was pretty sure of its knockability before then.
    Then of course I got drunk, and, before I knew it, there I was at the kitchen table, a large, splintery railroad tie stuffed between two slices of potato bread and a blend of six Italian cheeses.
    I was about halfway through with the sandwich when, with a mouthful of wood and bread and cheese I thought, next time, I’ll just knock railroad tie eating beforehand and save myself and everyone around me the trouble.
    I’ve only tried railroad tie eating three or four times since then, and I can tell you, it’s not an acquired taste! Aside from the splinters and unpleasant texture, you have to deal with the angry people down at the railroad commission knocking at your door at all hours.
    So before you go stealing railroad ties and eating them, just know, brother, it ain’t worth it! (Not even with delicious potato bread and a succulent blend of exotic cheeses!)

Some Other Things I’ll Knock Before Trying

• Live grenade juggling
• Broken glass swimming
• Human trafficking
• Chivalry
• Paella
• Scrapbooking
• Hornet snorting
• Bear raping