Carol walked out of the bathroom wearing a solemn face, took my hand and told me she was pregnant. For whatever reason, the news made me hungry--but not for pork or beef--I had to have some chicken salad, and I had to have some chicken salad now. I’d put it on some potato bread, maybe, or Jewish rye. “Hold that thought,” I told Carol, and sprinted out of the apartment, grabbing her keys on the way.
It had never occurred to me what a funny place the deli aisle could be; one minute, you’re eyeing some good old fashioned honeybaked ham, and the next you find yourself face to face with something called “turkey bologna.” What’s that all about? Those things are totally different!
Also, it’s funny to use meat products to initiate conversations with strangers. “Hey, stop hamming it up over there!” I said to a pretty lady holding a package of pre-sliced ham. She looked confused by my witticism, so I pointed at the guy holding the turkey breast-- “Hey, get a load of this turkey,” I exclaimed. The woman looked back at me and smiled a little smile, and I made a mental note that, next time, I could do something funny with the “breast” part of turkey breast.
It was then that I noticed a group of mimes arguing silently over which meat product they should buy. One of the mimes held a pack of bratwursts, and was tugging on an invisible rope as if to say, “I’m pulling for hot links in this argument;” another seemed to be trapped in a box, which I think was a metaphor for how much he wanted that ham steak he was holding; a third casually leaned against an invisible structure as if to say, “Eh.” Now, none of this actually happened, but it very well could have--the deli aisle is a funny place, after all, and mimes need coldcuts, too.
While I was thinking of funny things for mimes to do in the deli aisle, a new group of customers had entered and were perusing the meats. I was going to repeat my “hamming it up” joke to a hirstute elderly man, but noticed he was actually carrying pastrami. Making a mental note to think of some funny pastrami jokes, I left, never realizing that I forgot the chicken salad!
Oh well, I thought to myself on the drive home, just another wacky day in the deli aisle!
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